The Jimmy Hoffa of Atlantis

[The Navigator, pt. IV]

Its a windy day in paradise;
in pinstriped trousers and a wine stained white tie
and sitting indian style atop the boulders that overlook the water
i remember the day the man with a Black cap came...

'If this isn't a tale of two cities, this is a tale of
the day a respected member of society lost his sanity,
and the day our society lost one of its greatest members"

We sat at the table i had made during my time here,
or rather, he sat at my table sipping tea he had brought the both of us
while i nervously paced between
the palm trees and the point on the beach where sand turns to sharp gravel.

I'd bitten all of my fingernails far past the lunula.
Black cap just stared intently as it became clear to him
that my time here had created an anxious wreck of a man.
He had a lot to say, but spent a great deal of time just watching me.

"i wasn't always this way" i told him
"before you, i could sleep at night,
before you i looked foreward to the sun rising in the morning,
why'd you come here?"

"haha oh Charles, you'll get your explanation in due time, but first
we need to work out a few things, you see, things back in Atlantis have changed a some.
I've brought you diaries of the ones you knew. They wont answer your questions, but they
refresh your memories for when i take you back there."

I'd spent a great deal of time beforehand fantisizing of what i'd do
if the ring leader of my demise ever set foot before me, and honestly,
in my head there was a lot more bloodshed. A little more Steven Segal
with a twist of Hannibal Lecter's taste of creative destruction.
Now, even with a butcher knife infront of me, all i could think of was
Atlantis... my eyes on the prize.

Atlantis wasn't my home, but it was a place id spent a great deal of time.
I'd built it up to be a great place, a land where I was invincible.
I still had a crystal amulet from the center of the city i kept with me...it was a gift.
It was wrapped around my neck as a reminder of bliss and promise...and
then destruction and survival.

"i can't go back, i wont!......not like this"

"relax, we'll tidy you up to the handsome chap you use to be,
its going to be a formal occasion full of faces you know very well..
come with me, we have a lot to do before Friday night, and we better
get started if we're ever going to have you ready"

I followed Black cap to the row boat which took us to a much larger ship
that was out at sea waiting for us.

"i'm not the same person i use to be" i said
"you dont know what youve done to me..."

Black cap laughed with the shrug-offish charm of someone
whos done this a few times before
"Go take a shower Charles, theres towels and soap in there waiting for you..."
so shower i did.

Civil War

My facade and inside are two seperate entities lately.
Stretching like a rubberband, somethings going to give,
and I hope its not my sanity again.

I'm at odds with myself, goddamnit.

Conductor: "all aboooarrrdd"

Hey, its been a while, and you should know i've missed you as much as youve missed me.
but i'm back in action, and this should bring a smile to both of our faces.

Its summer finally.
Time to lay outside with the sun shining on my currently pale skin.
If you havn't heard, its the Summer of Brent.
I dont know exactly what all that entails, but I will be enjoying myself as much as humanly possible.
We're 3 days in, and i'd be hard pressed to be happier with how its turning out.

With the advent of summer comes time to start a possible new tradition.
Summer Resolutions.
Not some bullshit new years resolutions that end up less resolute and more of a fantasy.
Without snow on the ground, I have wet pavement and a stick to make these resolutions more concrete.

1) I'd like to make this blog a tri-weekly thing... being as how i like writing so much, but the motivation illudes me (a common theme).

2) lifing weights, another common summer goal.. but also a common carrot on a stick.

These months are ripe with opportunity, and i will take full advantage of it.
Let me out of my comfort zone and take a step into my personal bubble.
Theres no need to wipe your feet on the welcome mat.

The age of narcodic experimentations may be grinding to a halt.
As much as I still stand by my theory of 'have to try to know'
it does leave an empty space inside,
i've felt addiction, and i've seen it... and its much scarrier than i thought.
chemicals will fuck you without lube.
so i feel a few weeks of spiritual and physical cleansing are in order
to get my head back level on my shoulders again.

Heres some insight.
Ever wonder how honest people really are?
Ive been on a year long conquest to lie as little as possible.
I feel many others however... people close to me... may not be on the same page.
I start out thinking everyone is a honest and lacks flaws,
then build character from there.
What i've found is deception and lies rear their ugly heads far too often
in situations that leave others feeling poorly.
[insight over]

3) Above all, build that summer self confidence. As my theory of life progresses, my stance is that confidence and a true sense of self is far underated or overlooked. You dont even have to learn to love yourself, its in there somewhere, and i usually allow the sun to let it rise tothe surface of my skin where i can baste in it. Unfortunatly it seems to be a seasonal thing, like hurricanes or wildfires. But thats work in progress, its a lifelong journey i'm on, and expectations of perfection now dont seem healthy or plausable.

Love seems to be just beyond my fingertips. I lack the vision to find it just yet, but i am going to the eye doctor in the morning, and we'll see what he has to say.
"with these, you'll have 20/20 vision"
"with these, you'll know what you want/deserve"
Thanks doc, youve been more than kind, and a tremendous help.
Now its up to my strength to climb out of bad habbits i seem to fall into in a cyclical way.

This is life baby... a work in progress for sure.