George Bush

Every nightmare that has ever haunted,

all the animals with fangs or men with torches,

every nightmare ended at his fathers funeral.

A runt left looking for a mothers tit,

a child, pissing their pants at a birthday party,

a nervous church boy at a middle school dance,

a frequent masturbator,

insecure lover

or a dog, whipped by a mans belt.

Afraid of his nightmares, so he sleeps with a stuffed bear.

Takes it on school field trips to D.C.

Doodles pictures of it as a Congressman,

arguing with a government of spoiled kids.

Woodland Shadows

Elementary park

where a couple walked

and wood chips talked to Bacardi heads.

While the full moon watched

a kindled spark

two groundhog hearts

exposed to wind.

It was April, and it smelled like Spring.

Maps of the New World

Forest berries,

muddy pond.

Met the neighbors,

when they saved my son.

Feeling restless,

shootings stars,

scratchy blankets,

in the Amazon.

Counting cannons

pressing on

The first night I prayed to a new God.

By the Will of the Neon Sun

I am Jupiter,

a big fish in a small sea

or Saturn, unwilling to give up my rings.

I am the moon,

avoiding an eclipse,

no matter the cost of men or sunken ships.

I am a prince, rowing through Partridge Creek

bringing back for my people

the perfect Christmas tree.

Leapfrog

I think 2012 will be a good year for me.

It took until my senior year, three full years, to get good at high school,

and the fourth year of college is the only other year that can compare to the 2003-2004 school year.

Four years before that, seventh grade, I started kissing girls that year. That's pretty monumental, right? The only reason a middle schooler ever goes to a high school football game is to hold hands with or maybe kiss a girl. Seventh grade - the year I stopped being a child.

Four years before that, third grade... There was a huge fish tank in Mr. Vickery's classroom, that's pretty cool, right? Stacey Wilson and I were 'homework buddies' that year. She was the first girl I ever wanted to be around because she was cute for gender reasons. The crazy part is I think she felt the same thing. I may have started 1-for-1 in having that little extra mutual admiration with a girl, but that would not become a theme in my life for many, many more years. Third grade - the year I was no longer an asexual child.

Four years before that, six years old, right? It was a good year. I was a six year old, and there is no such thing as a bad day when you're six. Even six year olds secretly know this! I was beginning to develop some sporting abilities. Running, swimming, basketball, catch. I had pretty much learned an entire language at that point, and it was pretty clear that I was not born with any form of retardation or gross physical defects. Six years old - I had conquered the basics of being human, and was ready to seek out friends.

Four years before that, two years old, I had survived my first year on Earth, and I had survived my brief time in West Virginia. I'm happy to have moved before picking up their accent. It makes me happy when I'm on vacation, and someone asks "I could tell you were from around Michigan because of the way you speak". Two years old - I moved to Michigan, the state that I love so much that I'm having just as hard of a time moving away from its borders as I am moving away my family.

Four years after college is 2012. My grandma thinks that the world will end that year. I hope that death doesn't start to become a part of my life in 2012. The only part of me that is still a child is the part of my heart and psyche that have yet to be chiseled away by loss. Kelsey dog was the most loved thing I've lost in my life. After that, Dan Strung, and then really no one else. The six most important adults in my life and my brother are still alive, and they are the most important things in the world to me. Maybe something amazing will happen in 2012, and I want so badly for all seven of them to be healthy, happy, and with me when it does.

It took until the fourth year of high school to find my stride, and really, the same goes for college. 2012 is my fourth year post-grad, and I think it will be a good year for me.

The Biographer's Book Signing Tour

Jack was tricked into thinking that his gift would make him better off.
There weren't enough people around to tell him to stay grounded;
Or that success sometimes happens to people who aren't ready for it.
Most people aren't ready to be even mildly celebrated,
so it's rare that it happens to those who are best fitted to it.
You know I thought Jack was starting to adjust really well,
but sometimes, death too happens to people who aren't ready for it.
And there are places, where as a child, both success and failure will bring you death.
Jack was from one of these places,
and he got himself about as far away as he was comfortable.
So far that a lot of people were wondering if his character was actually designed to live...
but we all knew who the radio was talking about when it said
"At a hotel just north of Vegas,
there is a child star,
dead."

Army Ants

Army Ants by Bowlesbr


We were all army ants
marching into foreign fields
patiently waiting for our first winter away from home...

Is there somewhere

we can stay tonight?

Is there somewhere

we'll be safe tonight?

LIONFISH

Sheena told me good luck just before I walked in.

Aalyah did too, and I fucking felt it.

I walked into the casino with my chest puffed out, grabbed a craft beer from the cute girl with fishnets on, and walked into the Motor City Casino & Hotel game room.

Black hit 7 of the last 10 spins, and I played Red for every single one.

The Craps tables were all filled with ingrates and scummy men...

Red hit twice,

and Green hit, its only time all night, the spin after I played a 0-00 hedge combo.

I wanted to be a gambler.

I wanted to swear loudly with the grey hairs;

curse so loud that all the security cameras would all look at me...

They would see my stack of yellow chips with black writing.

My chips looked like bumble bees. Bee - like my dads nickname.

I was going to laugh with the slick middle eastern men standing across the table from me and the chain smoking black grandma who hadn't said a word since sitting at my table, but looked disgusted every time I would yelp with excitement or dispair.

I put chips on 3, 11, 25, 29, and 30... 30, meant nothing to me, but the monitor said it hadn't hit in over 250 spins, long before I got to this table.

Everything else I had went to Red or Odd.

Fuck Black and everything it had done to my stack.

I was up and playing with house money!

And fuck Evens... just fuck them!

Everything I had was on the Roulette board, and that little white ball landed on number 8, black, goddamnit.

This is Detroit, wy is the craps table full this early on a Tuesday night? Don't these people have better things to do?

I should have bet 8, I knew that. It was my baseball number that year I hit a baseball like a freaking pinata and over the left field fence.

If this place had a sports book, I bet I would have won...

The ACC doesn't match up against the Big10 this year.

Vinny Chase would have bet black.

I'm stealing some matchbooks and grabbing one more beer.

I have the best parking spot in the casino garage.

I bet someone would pay good money for it.

Good luck Sheena and Aalyah, Its early, but its time for me to go home.

20,000 Linear Feet of Red Wood

Man hours by day.

Horse power all winter long.

Wolf Lodge is now open.

Secret Prisons -or- Rooms Without Cameras

Thirteen eyes screaming
Two men, dark skin, praying loud
Lots of noise, then none.

28 Days

The ins and outs of science experiments
There were governments and businessmen and rooms of brilliant people
Money, and tests, and mothers being kept away from their children to work late
The Pope got involved, and some people listened
A family by love approved by a variety of people,
many of whom had and do love, and a few who would never get the chance.
Real-estate agents and gasoline pushers did their jobs
The weather was warming up by the time paint on the walls dried
Leaves greened and oranged before their silent worries were forgotten

Tonight, they will dream for three
In 8 months, Keith's wife will have a baby.

KIlled My Chorus

You killed my goddam chorus
back when I was seventeen
You took it back into the woods
and I could not believe
that ever since i skipped the town
like a stone on Ramona Lake
I've been chasing down my voice
trying to re-learn how to sing

I stole two bars from that song
heard it on the radio
there were horns and strings and brass
and screams of soul i had to know
now with a pen I draw my first verse
and i'll sing it for my old granddad
gotta get that goddam chorus back
that one i use to have

and I'll hum it to the tune
of my tires on the road
i cant afford new drums just yet
but this beat travels where i go
and I stum my mandolin
stum it until i get back home
so when i pull up in the drive way
you'll all come to the door

i love you and i miss you
lets all sit out on the porch
i'll grab a rootbeer and some pretzels
so we can talk about what we missed
and its good to be back home
you know its great to be back home
I should have visited more often
but I thought I loved it on the road

It's so good to back home
It's so good to back home
Its so good to see the faces
Of everyone I love

It's great to be back home
and Ma I love what youve done to the place
I think I'll here for stay a while
If you say that its okay

Its good to be back home
Its so good to be back home
The smell is still familiar
just like the paintings on the walls

I'm home
and it feels right
and when I wake up tomorrow
and walk to the kitchen
I know there will be eggs and toast waiting for me on the table
and a brown haired dog wagging its tail for me
and i'll know why I came back here
because this place is love
and i need that love
flowing through me
energizing me
family
in every seat
in the place where I grew tall
and studied books
and spent hours scheming on how to sneak out at night
and dreaming of our couch when church had us standing up for too long
where I parked my white car in the driveway for 5 years
this is home to me
and i'm glad to be
here
with all of you
again

Blank Page Experiment (BB)

Part One…
Their color gives direction
But their absence leaves a block
Babies blue lines they have left me
Blocking blue lines hiding behind locks

There they hide
Outside my door that I scrape
Hiding with my pen, stealing all of my ink

The walls are my page
White walls with white lines
With curtains made from the dress of my deceased bride
The same curtains that steal all my sunlight
These are the curtains that make a young man blind
This is the page that defies being scribed


Part Two…
A man’s gone mad with anger and rage
From being locked in these walls with nothing but this blank page
A mind full of matter but empty hands and empty paper
It cries for my blood and asks of my sins
The blank page writes on me
In red it writes, ‘The End’.

The City Center pt. II (Washtenaw)

I don’t care of the trees they grow
Or the grass they mow and lay
I wish for the trees to grow this way and cover the hills where the houses are built

Their fruits are nice
But a different color than those grown by the will of the moon and sun
Their strawberries were nourished by light, but not the light of God

For when I travel to their countries and the sides of their city
The sun shines but the dirt does not glow
It smells not of animal, and their crops in unnatural rows

Give me weeds with flowers
Flowers with fruit and bees with their honey to pollinate
I’ve seen green, but your fresh leaves are not.

The City Center pt. I (Washington)

Where the weeds lead to forest I will trail blaze a path Weaving between great oaks I’ll follow deer tracks In the heartbeat of earth I will build my nest Great timber for walls And fern for my bed I shovel a pathway for visitors who may stumble this way A dozen footprints that invite them to stay A swing from the trees to invite them to play And my bed made of ferns where their tired may lay
For 6 years I’ll grow out here I’ll weather the winter and branch out from my plot I’ll trap my hare and shoot my deer But stay away from my great grizzly neighbors.  I crafted a map to find my way out For 6 years I stayed, but just 2 weeks did I count My beard became the length of a 3 year old tree Signaling my time to leave The cities are strange, they’re stranger than me But to the city I’ll walk, before it comes to me Washington is far, but I’ll be there in a week I wont care about my place, but they wont touch its surroundings.

Michigan by car

inspired by chris bathgate...

Born in the state of the sign of love
A new family travels to the hand of the Americas
The thumb of the Midwest
Over apposable bridges
Through fog and blinding sun
Until they smelled the familiar Detroit air
We traveld down 94 to kalamazoo
To a new house the men would paint blue

So our new family
Wrote on every wall
We wrote the names and the places of everything we love
Drew maps to the places we’ve been and will go
On every wall that we owned

And the trees we planted when my brother was born
Are now taller than the second house that my family has owned
And soon my brother will be old enough to leave from the nest
And all that I can think about is how I’m almost too old to keep living like this
How I find myself wishing I could always be 6,
Because back then I was so much more innocent,
The days and nights, life was just bliss
But lately I never seem to get enough rest
so when I finally get a minute to myself
I say “sleep brent, Sleep for years”
Or “dream brenty, dream of someplace distant”
Or “drink brenty, drink to forget”
Or ‘puff brenty boy, puff and reflect”
Of the people and places and all the events
That you’ve seen and been to this weekend
So when you go home and see your name scribed in the bible
From the minister in 5^th grade when he saw your potential
You’ll loosen up, let your head relax
You just need some encouragement, you’re a source of constant improvement
But when I dream I see the trees still smaller than myself
And the chicken wire fence, freshly framed in the ground
Tied around the tree trunks to help them grow strong

And of the

White picket walls that went up all across town
Weeds were wiped from everyones lawn
Flowers flourished not far from fountains as
Babies grew bigger; measured by the marks in the wall and
Suburban city centers became crowded with families
Looking lovely as always while fulfilling their fantasies
White picket walls, my well wedded wife
Are what dreams are made of in our American life.

Hold my hand, Write on every wall
Write the names and the places of everything you love
Draw the maps to the places you’ve been and will go in search of
On every wall we own, lets draw pictures of doves
And we’ll put them in our families Christmas cards
And the once tiny trees planted in my backyard
We’ll carve our names in all of them, my love

Destiny: personal profile #26103

[Navigator pt. V]

Atlantis, Atlantis. Somewhere on that rock, she lived...

Her name was Destiny.
22 years of lips and legs, and she to make a man of me at 21
Destiny
It rolls off the tongue.
Destiny was everything my mom had told me to watch out for,
but in my 2nd decade on this green Earth, I'd learned to spot a good
thing when it walked by me. I've had plenty of experience
flirting with disaster. But a man of distance is a man of distance until
paths cross and distance is then measured again with rulers and not maps.

Fuck the birds and fuck the bees... Fuck me.. "fuck me!"
She says "here... now"
Kitchen?
Morning?
Before I had time to laugh at the hilarity of this circumstance,
my pants were at my ankles, and my ass was soaking in dishes of poridge and last nights dinner.
"wait" i say.
"No! Faster!"
You can't argue with a girl who knows what she wants,
and damned if i were going to be the one to dissapoint that pretty face.

Now again, for the first time since our day together we were face to face.
The reason i'd gone to sea. I'd left atlantis for seclusion.
This was a ball to end all, i'd be sure of it.
I was looking good, the man in the hat had fixed me up nicely.
But she was looking better.
Legs for days, boots to the knees and a cut red dress leaving leaving nothing to my imagination.
[my imagination would, however, ignore that. my imagination devoured my thoughts]
To touch and be touched, to breathe and feel her breath.
It wasn't the reunion that had my heart pounding, no, i had no intentions to end the night with her this time
This was the opportunity for my great escape.
H is for heavy explosives, and
D is for destroy.

the only letters in my alphabet were the only reason i'd been led here to begin with.
The man in the dark hat, it turns out, did have big plans for me.
The man in the dark hat, had big plans for all of us.
Vengence is a sonuvabitch when theres a payroll behind it.

Vacation of negationism

-Europa-

It was shortly after the fall of Rome that I discovered myself.

A body

Separated from its appendages by seas and by land.

The Id and Ego an iceberg.

My consciousness, the Titan.

A voyage

To find myself, and enlighten the sun

to burn a little warmer

To tell the wind to blow a little faster.

Grass will be greener, and the sky much more blue.

To slow time, truly and at will.

No, to forget clocks completely.

I will never argue ignorance again

A key for every lock (but no master keys here)

And a treasure-trove of answers, not delusions.

Ill journey home a new man.

The Id, a jackal on a leash.

The ego, inflated, but remaining grounded.

Its not a quest to forget history

It’s a campaign to create it.

Its time to see the world!

road to recovery

a third person view
from the top of the room
from the vent near my cealing
shows a sCab thats not healing

i wonder if he knows the jokes the jesters play
or behind his back, the things they say
or in his sleep, he dreams while he lays
of a time and place unlike tOday.

will someone tell him he'll be okay.

whats in his head, i wonder
as he stares out the window of a passenger seat
while outside is lightning and thunder
and the rain gets colder until it turns to sleet

they say "dont drive your car so fast"
well hes not the driver, no he's not in control
and the tires are spinning, barely gripping the road
can't imagine the breaKs would do him much good.

he made it home tonight
but he wont be there tomorrow.
virginias where he'd rather be
where he can talk out his problems with a friend at a tablE.

when birds of a feather flock together;

DIVERSITY

I killed 7 birds
with 7 stones;
Made a necklace from their feathers
and left their eggs for others.

I killed 7 birds
with 7 stones;
Left their eggs alone
and gave their bodies to the Crows.

The Jimmy Hoffa of Atlantis

[The Navigator, pt. IV]

Its a windy day in paradise;
in pinstriped trousers and a wine stained white tie
and sitting indian style atop the boulders that overlook the water
i remember the day the man with a Black cap came...

'If this isn't a tale of two cities, this is a tale of
the day a respected member of society lost his sanity,
and the day our society lost one of its greatest members"

We sat at the table i had made during my time here,
or rather, he sat at my table sipping tea he had brought the both of us
while i nervously paced between
the palm trees and the point on the beach where sand turns to sharp gravel.

I'd bitten all of my fingernails far past the lunula.
Black cap just stared intently as it became clear to him
that my time here had created an anxious wreck of a man.
He had a lot to say, but spent a great deal of time just watching me.

"i wasn't always this way" i told him
"before you, i could sleep at night,
before you i looked foreward to the sun rising in the morning,
why'd you come here?"

"haha oh Charles, you'll get your explanation in due time, but first
we need to work out a few things, you see, things back in Atlantis have changed a some.
I've brought you diaries of the ones you knew. They wont answer your questions, but they
refresh your memories for when i take you back there."

I'd spent a great deal of time beforehand fantisizing of what i'd do
if the ring leader of my demise ever set foot before me, and honestly,
in my head there was a lot more bloodshed. A little more Steven Segal
with a twist of Hannibal Lecter's taste of creative destruction.
Now, even with a butcher knife infront of me, all i could think of was
Atlantis... my eyes on the prize.

Atlantis wasn't my home, but it was a place id spent a great deal of time.
I'd built it up to be a great place, a land where I was invincible.
I still had a crystal amulet from the center of the city i kept with me...it was a gift.
It was wrapped around my neck as a reminder of bliss and promise...and
then destruction and survival.

"i can't go back, i wont!......not like this"

"relax, we'll tidy you up to the handsome chap you use to be,
its going to be a formal occasion full of faces you know very well..
come with me, we have a lot to do before Friday night, and we better
get started if we're ever going to have you ready"

I followed Black cap to the row boat which took us to a much larger ship
that was out at sea waiting for us.

"i'm not the same person i use to be" i said
"you dont know what youve done to me..."

Black cap laughed with the shrug-offish charm of someone
whos done this a few times before
"Go take a shower Charles, theres towels and soap in there waiting for you..."
so shower i did.

Civil War

My facade and inside are two seperate entities lately.
Stretching like a rubberband, somethings going to give,
and I hope its not my sanity again.

I'm at odds with myself, goddamnit.

Conductor: "all aboooarrrdd"

Hey, its been a while, and you should know i've missed you as much as youve missed me.
but i'm back in action, and this should bring a smile to both of our faces.

Its summer finally.
Time to lay outside with the sun shining on my currently pale skin.
If you havn't heard, its the Summer of Brent.
I dont know exactly what all that entails, but I will be enjoying myself as much as humanly possible.
We're 3 days in, and i'd be hard pressed to be happier with how its turning out.

With the advent of summer comes time to start a possible new tradition.
Summer Resolutions.
Not some bullshit new years resolutions that end up less resolute and more of a fantasy.
Without snow on the ground, I have wet pavement and a stick to make these resolutions more concrete.

1) I'd like to make this blog a tri-weekly thing... being as how i like writing so much, but the motivation illudes me (a common theme).

2) lifing weights, another common summer goal.. but also a common carrot on a stick.

These months are ripe with opportunity, and i will take full advantage of it.
Let me out of my comfort zone and take a step into my personal bubble.
Theres no need to wipe your feet on the welcome mat.

The age of narcodic experimentations may be grinding to a halt.
As much as I still stand by my theory of 'have to try to know'
it does leave an empty space inside,
i've felt addiction, and i've seen it... and its much scarrier than i thought.
chemicals will fuck you without lube.
so i feel a few weeks of spiritual and physical cleansing are in order
to get my head back level on my shoulders again.

Heres some insight.
Ever wonder how honest people really are?
Ive been on a year long conquest to lie as little as possible.
I feel many others however... people close to me... may not be on the same page.
I start out thinking everyone is a honest and lacks flaws,
then build character from there.
What i've found is deception and lies rear their ugly heads far too often
in situations that leave others feeling poorly.
[insight over]

3) Above all, build that summer self confidence. As my theory of life progresses, my stance is that confidence and a true sense of self is far underated or overlooked. You dont even have to learn to love yourself, its in there somewhere, and i usually allow the sun to let it rise tothe surface of my skin where i can baste in it. Unfortunatly it seems to be a seasonal thing, like hurricanes or wildfires. But thats work in progress, its a lifelong journey i'm on, and expectations of perfection now dont seem healthy or plausable.

Love seems to be just beyond my fingertips. I lack the vision to find it just yet, but i am going to the eye doctor in the morning, and we'll see what he has to say.
"with these, you'll have 20/20 vision"
"with these, you'll know what you want/deserve"
Thanks doc, youve been more than kind, and a tremendous help.
Now its up to my strength to climb out of bad habbits i seem to fall into in a cyclical way.

This is life baby... a work in progress for sure.

working titles: a)Between geology and revelations b)come on son, try and instill some faith in humanity

[The Prophet]

The damndest thing,
I awoke from my late night slumber,
in a lawn chair by the railroad tracks,
and felt the earth shake.
Earthquake? No, not this time.
This time I (we) wern't that lucky.
It wasnt until later when i tried following
my trusty compass that i realized
the polarization of the Earth had shifted.

This changes everything...

The iron core
just toying with my emotions.
You can't take something so perminant
and completely reverse things overnight.
It just isnt polite
(but mother earth never got that memo.)


In our age of computers and nuclear weapons,
this planet has done us all in.
Back to the stone age.
Back to square one.
Maybe now i'll get some work done,
Maybe now i'll learn to live again.

It happens every 2million years, i suppose we were due
(although i feel like this has happened more recently than that)
The phenomenon is caused by variations in the molten iron of earths core,
and its a wonder my psyche is still able to adapt so steadily
every time i see a train crash.

Missing gravity

[The Astronaut II]

After a brief stint of what looked like
bliss (atleat on paper), i've been thinking of
returning to Earth.
I thought free floating alone
between the moon and earth
with sattelites as neighbors and
meteors as menaces
would be the life for me.

I spent my life at a desk drawing up
plans for my rocket ship,
large equations and rocket boosters
darting around in my dreams for years,
and my whole life seemed to be a countdown
to the day i could say 'Blastoff!'
and leave this planet for ever.

I have pictures of me smiling in space.
Stars all around me, and the Earth so far below my feet
I create an eclipse, and look for my shadow.
I use to pass my days by pinching the space between my fingertips
with Earth directly in the center.
'I'm squishing the Earth, i'm destroying the planet!'

Now somethings missing.
This isn't all it was cracked up to be.
Its that human touch.
The personal element is missing.
As much as I hate to say it, i miss that blue dot,
and the idiots that inhabit it.
I miss home,
And i'm hundreds of thousand of miles away
but i still feel the weight of the world
squarely on my shoulders.

Theres no sound in space,
otherwise microphones on Earth would
hear me screaming to come home.
I never came up with a plan B.
Decisions are too perminant.
Silly me...

all mighty civilia (2200 minutes)

Oh momma, shes not happy.
Maternal love transcends the greenback.
theres still hope in humanity.

Ohh daddy, I heard your mad.
The phone picks up the noise of your fingers viloently
pressing buttons on calculators.
"tell him 10 cents time a thousand is too much!"
(I love you, and will see you next week!)
Its a thing we have.

I was smiling the whole time,
and its just numbers from accounts being transferred.
I work because i like to, I like the people.
Money is a... bonus? Thats not true.
(really though, i'd love for that decimal to be moved a spot to the left)

I bruised my forehead when i was upset.
(actually it was the wall that made the bruise)
((no one cares to get that literal about things))
Its just money, i'll be fine.
Good, regrets erased.

Next stop: Hollywood

1000 chimpanzees I placed in a room

and fed electric kool-aid to

re-wrote and revised Shakespeare

and made a killing on Wallstreet.

Exceprt from reflecting after a year and a half of self medication

I looked into the bathroom mirror today

And it broke.

It wasn’t the shear sight of me that shattered the glass, not directly at least,

that doesn’t really happen.

But it broke from disappointment and self pity guiding my fist

Directly into the double pained 3x2 glass reflection of myself.

Inside were all the signs of someone with problems.

Corrective medicine and bottled up demons.

Needles and razor blades and….

The medicine cabinet which I had just broke, ironically enough,

Didn’t even have band-aids or ointment to help heal my bleeding hand.

Mayday! Mayday!

[The Navigator pt. III]

What's wrong with me?
I open my eyes, briefly at first.
Only long enough to allow my eyes to confirm
what my body has been telling me;
that i'm on land.
Then again I open them, this time long enough to know that
the sun is doing perminant damage. [blink blink..they tear up, im still only human]

I sit up and take a breath of air,
then look around.
Sand and Palm trees... great, i must be on vacation..

Well shit, my beautiful vessel has 2 gaping holes in the sides.
Size and blast pattern consistent with that of a torpedo.
(A torpedo went through my home, ha, how many people get to say that?)
Everything i know is sunk or sinking.

The down side to being a mysterious man below the waves
is there will be no search party looking for me.

I look out to sea.
The whole beautiful lagoon is littered with bits and pieces
of scrap metal and paper.
[my life is now both metaphorically and literally trash on a beautiful canvas.]
I look where the waves meet up with the beach...
How convenient, a message in a bottle.
[life immitating hollywood, or hollywood imitating life?]

"We warned you! You were to ignore the sirens and leave. Really, we're very sorry it had to end happen like this, but it was the only way..."
The only way?

I recognized the handwritting.
What i wondered most had nothing to do with the words or origins of the letter,
but if the salt water stains on it
were made of tears or ocean?
(or isn't it possible theyre the same thing)

I can't stay here for long, i'm very pale
and the sun is already burning my skin.
I take a last look at my submarine and then
walk the other way down the shore.
Not more than 20 steps later I find a giant squid
washed up on the beach, and i think
"maybe there is a search party looking for me after all..."

A proper burial only seems right,
but with no shovel,
this could take all day.
I better get started...

Convieniently Placed Fortunes

To the bed,
and on the web.


"Loves come singly and leave accompanied"
"There's a good chance of a romantic encounter soon."

pg.1........Life.

[God]

where to start?
ummm Light: check
take a few atoms, add an accelerant, hydrogen and flame... explosion and pressure.
two parts science, 1 part love, 1 part closed eyes, lit matches & beakers.
light light light... light and dark, yes
land? yes land. done.
we have land what next...
plants! grass and trees and weeds and flowers, pink yellow blue flowers. leaves and ivy. Towering trees and bushes and cotton and fields of fruit!
this is beautiful, my world, so beautiful.
*cracks knuckles, and takes a sip of coffee*
life, ohhh life.. We have great whales and giraffes. Donkeys and Earth worms. Wings and legs and fins and tails.
This has all been done before, but we're going for gold.
we need... a little piece of me.
man.
Dark and handsome, like the magazines. Molded from clay,
let him borrow a drop of my blood.
Now we are one, forever. Never forget, it will be the end.
The brain, see pg. 2. Neurons and chemicals, psychology and human nature.


So optimistic.
for better of for worse
i've got a good feeling about this.
Sweet sianara boredom
i've got a new hobby
a crystal ball and a notebook
*no hypothesis are needed for a eutopia*

start big, end bigger
i'll enter my submission in county fair
and after they give the award for prize pig
and just before the light burns out and
families ride the ferris wheel that lights up both the dark
and the eyes of their children
i'll take home the blue ribbon in the science department,
and be instantly in contact with the patent department.

Call me a nerd, but you'll be hearing of me for a while.
Scientific breakthrough?
This is the stuff legends are made of.
Someday you'll all be buying something with my logo on it...
I am God.

God Bless..

Some Brent Bowles originals.

Google Search: Randy Gardner: nihilist/realist

[The Surgeon]

*
Like stone i sit on the couch
A mass of skin, bones and organs,
or just dead weight.
Sometimes, theyre just the same thing.

The world record for consecutive hours of sleeplessness is 264 by a 17 year old highschool student named Randy G. in 1964.

I take the red pills to chill out
I take the blue ones to explore the mind
and I take the little yellow one to peek into other dimensions.
(enough about me, lets talk about you)
My doctor recomends i seek medical attention,
and my banker says i should start saving for the future.

Theres smoke around my brain
and black dots spotting my lungs.

Theres ink on my arms too,
I think i'll be alright...

How do you know that John Goodman is a bad actor?
Tuesday, Blue bottle day.
What does the devil wear on the weekend?
Yellow, its a friday.
Ever levitated? I have.
Its called, Sunday

All white room
2,400sq. foot appartment
No working lights.
Just a window overlooking 83rd street
Just the brick frame around the clouds
And that spot where a pigeon took a shit on the window sill.
I have piles of books (and a leaking water pipe just above my kitchen)
and the only thing hanging on these walls is that diploma by the fireplace
3.9gpa at Princton med school, thank you much.
Whats today?
Wednesday?
Alright, I need to get going,
We have a triple bypass surgery to do at noon
a handful of kids to give birth to
a smoke break or two
and rumor has it theres an a lung transplant patient being flown in this tonight.
I get back friday?
excellent, i can't wait!

suppose now is as good a time as any to get existential.

Just a general post...

It sounds weird, but times are changing.
This time it doesnt seem to bother me as much as it use to (thats my hard callused skin coming into play).
I do feel different.
Much more frequently i find myself feeling like an adult, being treated like an adult, being in adult situations, and making adult decisions.
Lifes funny like this, over and over again.

I've discovered reflecting on my past.
I really did have a good childhood. The older I get, the more I've been realizing that. My family is by no means the normal family, it just took the all my teen years to realize this. Portage isn't a bad city at all, and my parents did a fantastic job with me. Wow, my family is the model of how families should function. We are the Cleaver family. Its really something to sit back and realize how this happens.

The down side, i've been learning life lessons at a slower rate than others, meaning i get to make my mistakes now while theyll be years ahead of me. Suburbia certainly has its perks, and so does 'the real world'.
The weirdest shit in life is bound to happen, in all its gloriousness and shittyness.
No matter where you are in life, its definatly important to take a step back and just laugh at how everything comes together and how unprobable everything thats happened really was.

Lifes been good to me more than i know for my entire life.
Im getting better at being me, and figuring out what i want.
I really wouldnt trade my life for that of anyone else. (and i think this is the first time i've said that.)

My purpose in life: To be happy & to make others happy.
I really just want to live life.
Meet new people and learn everything about them.
Learn everything there is to know.
I want to know others perspectives on things, because really, it can be quite enlightening.
I'd by lying to you if i said i had no regrets,
but i'm far more than content with where i am in life right now.
I've been given every reason to smile, and thats exactly what i plan to do.

S.O.S "Iceberg"

[The Navigator. pt II]

Its been a week.
A week with my eyes closed
my hands nestled behind my head
and a smile that connects my ears.

Vacations like this don't happen often for me.
While i'm just enjoying myself in my quarters
The thought that the ocean is pressing down on me
and that my air here is limited
never even crossed my mind.

There is an accepted danger to these depths,
I could lose all radio contact
or have my image blurred by the waves above.
I'll worry about all these things later,
but honestly, its half the reason i chose to sink to areas like this.

The morse code message this morning read:
- .... . -.-- .----. ...- . / -... . . -. / - .- .-.. -.- .. -. --. / .- -... --- ..- - / -.-- --- ..- .-.-.- / - .... . -.-- .-. . / --. --- .. -. --. / - --- / -.. .-. --- .-- -. / -.-- --- ..- .-.-.- / - .... . -.-- / .-- .- -. - / - --- / -... .-. .. -. --. / -.-- --- ..- / -.. --- .-- -. / ..-. --- .-. / .-.. --- ...- .. -. --. / --- -. . / --- ..-. / - .... . .. .-. / --- .-- -. .-.-.-

...one of their own
...one of their own
...one of their own
It's not just dots & dashes, I knew exactly what it meant.
Fuck this telegraph.

Maybe the vacations over.
But i'm not surfacing for long,
soon i'll sink again
and get back to my dreamlike state.
I'm going to slow time down again.

no, dont raise the periscope just yet,
i'm still breathing just fine.

The lonesome Scientist in the castle atop the hill and by the river. [Modern Medicine]. An introduction to living and dying a pre-req to Heaven&Hell.

~~~~~

Experiment 1a.
Subject: (John Doe 38)Earl Grey
Description: To see if he can take a lazer beanm to his face.
5,8,40,45,48
Time: any time of night

Operation A: To switch a test patients mind with mouse brain.
.To lie detect the walls of their house
.To look into the mind with a telescope hose
.To laminate the brain waves in radiation paste
.To drink the blood of her majesty's neck to test her taste

Conclusion: This experiment hypothesis was decicivly inconclusive
>his insides continued to run
>>he gave us the light, and the sun continued to burn
>>>We checked his pulse after he'd been drugged, beaten and called a monster for simply living.
>>>>Under the cover of the moon, his bones were thrown into incineration room.

[ex. 4]

~~~End~~~

Intent and Intentions

That cupid's only love was an accident,
may be true,
or what would be his murder/suicide scene
became movement in the silky sheets
only proves the universe works to contradict itself.

That a God's arrow can speed through the air with precision.
That a fearless soldier aims; poised to shoot.
[We dont make mistakes, mistakes make us.]

That the green eyes of a woman can make your heart skip;
1, 2, 3 beats (breath in, breath out). The muscle doesnt stop.
Time only slows.
That dizzy feeling is you being shoved back into reality.

That a God can become a man for a moment,
or man can become a God
all in the name of love...
That the soldier blinks only for a second
but receives a nearly fatal shot to the heart
from a quick glance of an innocent dreamer.

There's no equation.
Just a begining and an end
that puzzles physicists and doctors alike,
while keeping us all on our feet.

leagues below the ordinary; paging Captian Nemo

[The Navigator]
Its that feeling of seperation that divides us.
we all have our on and off days
but the off days are off the radar,
while the on days barely show up on the screen.
(a green dot on a map of greener dots)
an almost invisible S.O.S. call from a stranded ship.

its this feeling that's led me to my submarine.
i surface only briefly for my essentials
then dissapear to the bottom of the sea.
an outcast above sea level,
invisible below.

Walk along the shore after a storm, and you'll see the freaks that frequent my domain.
Species you wont find in books.
Freaks of the sea.
my extended family.
outcasts that evolved to live a life of solitude.

Here i can spend my days away from judgment.
here i'm as normal as normal can be.
free to be my excentric self
free to waste my days inches away from the crushing pressure of the sea.

I'm below Poseidon's realm.
here, i've never felt so alive
and accepted.

In the beginning there was nothing...

[the astronaut]
The thought of light sickened him.
He wished the filiment had never been invented.
He hoped Thomas Edison burned in hell.
He wished electricity would seize to exist,
and that Benjamin Franklin's mom had perfected the abortion.
If the sun were to explode, he would smile.
If we lived in a black hole, well, he wouldnt do much of anything,
but he loved the idea.

Genesis 1:1 - 1:4 were torn from his Bible,
Burned and extinguished.
The irony.
There was light, and it was beautiful, and then it burned out.
Playing God wasn't easy.
"Let there be light." and there was;
"Let there be no light." and then there was not.
It was like seeing into the future.
The black ash on the floor
The black tint of the sky.

Everything made sense.
Everything was going to be alright,
in time.

[Enter] Duke... The Dreamer

[1]
The hallway to his bedroom was littered with family photographs. Most of them relatives, but a few were of his dad grinning with a celebrity. Duke didn't know why they were there or who they were there to impress. Guess his father just liked remembering that feeling of being someone. A certain importance.

He got to his room, at the end of the short hall. Marched to his bed, and layed face up. With no lights on, he could stare at the glow-in-the-dark stars his little sister had helped put on the cealing when they were both much younger. Bed was so looked foreward to. The connection between head and pillow was almost magnetic. As if physics itself were tempting the two to come together... a magnetic attraction. Protons and electrons did the lustful dance of adultry every time he called it a night. The pillow softly kissing his cheek, he was free to dream, and dream he did.

Astronauts use to come to him in dreams. The messenger... The Appolo and interpreter of the Gods. At a round table sat
Engineers
Politicians
Revolutionaries
Fortune Tellers
Scientists
Scholars
Saints
Martyrs
& of course astronauts.

He tosses and turns as the point-counterpoint creates more confusion than a cure for the school day duldrums. Politics play far too much a role in their decisions of what he'll become. They build a model.. an ever changing interactive statue of what Duke should be. No pressure... no pressure. Even lead can turn to diamonds under pressure. Granite or Gold should be elementary at this point.

Every time he wakes up he is already home alone. School is an hour away, so he sits perched on the hood of his car and smokes a cigarette. " Are you addicted to them?" people always ask. The answer is always no, but increasingly he knows the answer should be yes. He knows things are getting bad when no amount of listerine and toothpaste concoction can help get his breath to smell fresh. Now with the smell of death, decay and rot spilling out with all his words, self consciousness has reached new levels.

They dont get him through school, they dont put a kick in his step. His dad calls him 'Hollywood' for his addiction. "make you look real cool, huh... like that errr, that Brad Pitt character, eh?" then he mumbles something under his breath and walks away. No matter what, he walks away after every conversation.

Preface

This is my blog. There, now that we got that out of the way, lets continue...

This being the first post, i'm not entirely sure where to start. Do I stretch back in time to the beggining of my memory? No, no one cares about my early life up to this point, as surely it would bore both you and myself.
Perhaps I'll start by reflecting over the wonderfulness that is Christmas break. This being in the more recent history it seems much more practical. But do I want to bore either of us with my day to day happenings? Not really. But seeing as I have no precident for these things yet, i'll play this post, and likely the next few by ear until I get into the groove of things. So, Christmas break, here we go. (sit down, have your seats in the up and locked position, please be sure to have your seatbelts on and tightened, and make sure your luggage is stowed away under your seat. Thumbs up? lets do this)

Christmas break came and went just like passing of the seasons (which I think we witnessed over break as well, seing as how the snow has already melted and I think I heard geese traveling back north the other day). Its been quite the whirlwind of events. For me to tackle everything that happened in detail would be ridiculous. I'm not here to write a novel... shit, what am I here for?
Ok, back to business.
The highlights.
The end of December brought me grades. Marvelously average grades.
It brought the thinning (and then re-thickening) of my wallet.
I got real old. Celebrated being 20 by playing the original nintendo o'er at Calebs house while having casual conversation over a glass of his finest imported beer. (we're so classy it hurts sometimes)
Mel and I dominated Bittersweet Mt.
& Schat, Sean and I along with a few others dominated many a sledding hill.
injuries aside, lets continue...

The new year came in style,
and so did the 20th year in a row of a meaningless midnight kiss. (a streak i'd be glad to break in the near future)
also, when did new years become such a patriotic holiday?
with the new year, resolutions were made.
(my only resolution was to come up with a good solid resolution soon)
hanging out with friends
and catching up on old times
is probably my favorit thing these days.
Got my ear pierced today. Guess that makes me a man. yay...

the future freaks me out.

My mind isn't the most organized place these days.
A whirlwind of shit swirling around in a tornadic like fashion.
things are making sense. things make no sense.(like this post)
its a tumultuous time in my head.
soon things will settle.
shit will make sense again.
i'll re-figure out religion and use a telescope atop a tall hill to view my future. (maybe feed some birds while i'm up there...)
then i'll do a little dance, and on with my life.


hey,
good talk.
bring it in now. real slow.
its been real.
-Brent